Up In Smoke - Solve this Puzzle
A man, having
purchased a case of rare, very expensive Cuban Cigars, insured them against
....get this ....Fire! Within a month,
having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make
a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the
insurance company. In his claim, the
man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires."
The insurance company refused to pay, citing
the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion.
The man sued ... and won!
Instead of a lengthy trial, the insurance company gave him the $15,000 that
was due to him. However, the insurance
company still had to have the last word. When the man got home, he was promptly arrested
by the police on 24 charges. What were
they?
Answer
He was arrested
on 24 counts of Arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case
being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally
burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms.
“Poor
Bill… now Hillary’s Smoking in the name of Monica”
Three Arkansas
Surgeons discussing surgeries they had performed . . .
One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Arkansas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident. I reattached them and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."
One of the others said; "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in field events in the Olympics."
The third
surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a woman was high
on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head on into a train traveling
80 mph. All I had left to work with was the womans blonde hair and the horse's
ass. I was able to put them together and now she's a senator from New York."
The man thanked him and again walked away.
The
third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same
Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary
Clinton."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mrs. Clinton. I've told you already several times that Mrs. Clinton is not the President and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?"
The old man answered, "Oh, I understand you fine, I just love hearing your answer!"
The
Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See
you tomorrow, Sir."
AND NOW. . .
THE SCHEDULE FOR THE
2008 DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION
7:00 p.m. Opening flag burning
7:15 p.m. Pledge of Allegiance to the United Nations
7:30 p.m. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:30-8:00 p.m. Nonreligious prayer and worship: Jessie Jackson & Al Sharpton
8:00 p.m. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
8:05 p.m. Ceremonial tree hugging
8:15-8:30 p.m. Gay Wedding: Barney Frank presiding
8:30 p.m. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
8:35 p.m. Free The Al-Queda 8 Rally: Cindy Sheehan & Susan Sarandon
8:45 p.m. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
9:00 p.m. Keynote speech: "The Proper Etiquette for Surrender," French President, Jacques Chirac
9:15 p.m. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
9:20 p.m. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden Kidney Transplant Fund
9:30 p.m. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay: Sean Penn
9:40 p.m. Why I hate the Military: A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton
9:45 p.m. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
9:50 p.m. Dan Rather receives "Truth in Broadcasting" award presented by Michael Moore
9:55 p.m. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
10:00 p.m. Presentation: "How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers," by Howard Dean
10:30 p.m. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton for President by Mahmud Ahnadinejad
11:00 p.m. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
11:05 p.m. Al Gore reinvents the Internet
11:15 p.m. "Our Troops are War Criminals" presented by John Kerry
11:30 p.m. Coronation of Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton
12:00 a.m. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
12:05 a.m. Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home
. . . "Who's your DD?"
Hillary Clinton went to a primary school in New York City to talk about the world. After her talk, she had a "Question and Answer" period. One little boy raised his hand & the Senator asked him for his name.
"Kenneth."
"And what is your question, Kenneth?"
"I have 3 questions:
1st - Whatever happened to your medical health care plan?
2nd - Why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
3rd - Whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"
Just then the bell rang for recess. Mrs. Clinton informed the children they
would continue after recess.
When they resumed Hillary said, "Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right,
Question Time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy put up his hand. Hillary pointed to him and asked him
for his name.
"Larry."
"And what is your question, Larry?"
"I have 5 questions:
1st - Whatever happened to your medical health care plan?
2nd - Why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
3rd - Whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?
4th - Why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
5th
- What happened to Kenneth?"